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I was going to post this in New Beginnings, under my update, but I thought it might be encouraging for those of who are early on in the journey. I can remember the utter despair I felt like it was yesterday.

After D-day I went through about 3-4 years when I didn't laugh. I literally could not laugh. It was like the joy had been sucked out of the marrow in my bones.

I remember the day I laughed again. I was playing pictionary with a group of people and the word was mushroom. Well, the guy drew what looked like a Sadly limp dick and I lost it. I mean,I absolutely lost it. Years of pent up something, I have no idea what, burst out. My laughter filled the room and was contagious. Soon, everyone was laughing. It was like a dam burst in me.

I can't explain how healing that moment was, but it was nothing short of cathartic. I felt Luke I had changed in that moment.

So now I am here, 7 years on, laughing my ass off at cat videos on YouTube. Go figure.

There is,hope. For those of you just starting out, don't lose faith. You will get through this. It will get better, even if you cannot fathom it being anything other than what you feel right now.

Google spoon prank video. Super funny...

[This message edited by Justsomeguy at 3:10 AM, Saturday, June 14th]

For me, it was humming along to a song on the radio. I realized that I was content and happy where I was at in my healing journey.

Being out of the drama and chaos is so much better than being with XWH.

I remember that feeling of all consuming sadness. I was stuck in limbo - so afraid that no matter what I decided (R or D) - it didn't matter because I would never be happy again. One day at work someone cracked a joke and I laughed - a deep, cathartic laugh - and it felt so good! I realized then that I could - and would be happy again. There was laughter amidst all the pain.

I love Stupid Picture Friday. Those pictures even helped to heal our marriage. I would share my favorites each week with my H. Once, when looking at some of the pictures he commented on how good it felt to be able to laugh together again.

If there is one thing I can tell those who find themselves lost in the blackness - there is light out there - you will laugh again - the world won't always seem so devoid of happiness. Hang in there - it really does get better.

I remember the day I started laughing again and just like you, it was tears streaming down my face laughing and being an older woman, I will admit to peeing a bit. When I tell that story to people, I still laugh and it was 2018. And like you said, truly cathartic!!!

My laugh was the day after dday2 of affair 2.

He’s begging me to reconcile. I looked at him like he was crazy and just laughed. It may have been more sarcastic but it was a laugh.

Glad to see people returning to joy in their lives, however long it takes.

2 months out from d day and reading "3 or 4 years later, and you might laugh again.."

Sigh.

Great update! Laughter definitely helps the healing process. Just those moments of forgetting for a second or a minute or five.

I am 20 years out, and it probably took at least four or five years before I could listen to the radio in my car. For some reason, the music triggered me, so I avoided it like the plague.

I also couldn't watch dramas. They just seemed dark and I couldn't handle any more darkness.

TV consisted of watching HGTV or the Cooking Channel or the weather.

I think it was about year 4-5 when I was able to turn on the TV and enjoy shows that were lighthearted or comedic. The world could have been crumbling during those years, I wasn't aware, just mustering up the energy to go to my part-time job and take care of my home and family was all I could handle emotionally, and even then I failed at times.

So glad you have found peace and contentment again.

Excellent reminder

I find this post interesting but must admit, it's not something I relate to. It makes me wonder if the experiences shared are, in some way, tied to the agonizing indecision that often accompanies the thought of an initial attempt to reconcile. That period of weighing "what ifs" and second-guessing every instinct.

For me, there was no such internal battle. When it was time to leave, I got out quick. There was no lingering, no drawn-out period of doubt or uncertainty. Crucially, there were no decisions to be made beyond the immediate, decisive act of ending it. without the torturous back-and-forth that can plague so many.

The pain was immense, yet within a month, I forced myself into dating. My first foray into dating apps was, predictably, a "shit show." A chaotic, advertised mess. And yes, diving headfirst into serial dating before even attempting to heal was undeniably a flawed coping mechanism. But I distinctly remember amongst the chaos some of those nights were genuinely fun dates that, in the raw aftermath of the breakup, were perhaps the only moments of pure enjoyment I experienced.

Ultimately, once I felt I'd reclaimed my self-esteem, my sense of masculinity, my very self, I stopped the relentless cycle of casual dating and truly began working on healing. I knew, with absolute certainty, that such a lifestyle was unsustainable, incapable of delivering genuine happiness in the long run. Even so, I will always defend that knee-jerk decision to date. It got me laughing again, and in that darkness, laughter was a lifeline.

[This message edited by DRSOOLERS at 7:39 AM, Tuesday, June 17th]