Legatus (original poster member #79152) posted at 3:47 AM on Tuesday, November 11th, 2025
This past week while my wife and I were having a mild run of the mill argument she said a phrase which triggered me. It was one she used a lot when she was trying to gaslight me and convince everyone around us I was crazy and paranoid her "friendship" was an affair. Anyways, when she said it a switch flipped and I lost my shit. I felt physically and emotionally like I did after finding out they were communicating again. Classic PTSD response. I pulled it back together but it took me about 6 hours to really come down from it.
Thing is, my teen saw me burst into a rage. Not something I want. The next day I explained to my wife the response. She seemed to understand, but then later made a critical comment about me causing a scene the day before.
My fist thought was "if the kids knew what you put me through they wouldn’t see me as the jerk and you as the victim". At least they would have context for my outburst. But, you can’t really tell kids their mom was a cheating liar. Then I thought to myself, I didn’t decide for her to have an affair. I wasn’t in on it, but I get to keep it a secret. And keep it a secret where it acts against me. It almost makes me feel like I’m in on it, helping her and him hide their affair. Has anyone else thought that before? I’m sure someone has. Obviously I’m not going to tell the kids. There’s only downside for them, and I don’t need the upside to me. Just wanted to share and see what others have felt.
[This message edited by Legatus at 3:50 AM, Tuesday, November 11th]
Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 4:22 AM on Tuesday, November 11th, 2025
A few months after my exww and I separated, she told our 10yo son what she'd done. I was surprised to hear that she'd confessed it and relieved at the same time.
My son and I have talked about it a few times. I've never tried to demonize her to him. I want him to have a good relationship with her. I have, however, tried to explain to him how painful infidelity can be in the hopes that he will never do anything like it and never accept it in his life.
You can choose to hide it - or you can choose to teach them.
Married 2005
D-Day April, 2015
Divorced May, 2022
"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button." -Brene Brown
