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I'm honestly in hell, I've been struggling so much since finding out my husband has in fact slept with the AP multiple times over a long period of time. I've never been so devastated and haven't been coping and unfortunately turned to alcohol. 2 days ago the worst thing imaginable happend I drank loads of wine was calling people crying ended up getting in my car to drive to a friend's house crashed into a lampost and got arrested, spent the night in jail and will now end up banned from driving. Before anyone tells me how bad it is nobody could say anything to make me feel any worse than I already do I never thought I could ever get so low and I don't know how I will ever get over all of this. Ashamed and devastated.

Oh no. : ( I’m so glad that are you safe and that no one got physically hurt. The only way forward from rock bottom is up. Something to tell yourself- do I want to continue in a relationship that makes me at my worst? Or puts my mental health in danger ?you have to start taking care of you. No matter how shitty you feel right now you are worthy of having a good life. Please don’t let him take that from you. Please tell someone in your life what’s going on . Get support. No other person is worth your own mental health. Especially someone who could go behind your back and do that to you. Prayers for your healing

You are in agony. You would never have done that under normal circumstances I assume. Please be gracious to yourself. Start seeking support through here or family you love and trust, and a professional trauma therapist. Allow yourself to feel. I know that seems odd....but it is the path healing. 😢. You are loved.

Sending you hugs (((Selenite))).

I was a very heavy drinker for decades. I quit about ten years ago and it's one of the best decisions I've ever made.

You might feel good temporarily, but waking up with those hangovers is the worst. I can only imagine what drinking would have done to me when I found out about my wife's affair.

I'm not going to scold you or tell you how bad drinking is. I'm in no position to be preaching to anyone about drinking, and I know you already know.

I would only encourage you to not seek it when you're already down like this. Alcohol is a depressant. On an already depressed nervous system it can really wreak havoc.

It will get better. I had an extreme DUI. I had my license suspended for 6 months (but was allowed to drive to and from work) and had to have an interlock device in my truck for a year. I also had to spend ten days in the pokey on work release. That was 20 years ago. I've been through this. A year or so from now this will be a blip on your radar. It just sucks when you're going through it.

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this.

Thank you everyone, Im honestly devastated and I know it's happened because of what my husband did and people keep being nice to me saying it's because I've been struggling but it's still a disgusting thing that I've done and doesn't excuse my behaviour. It was bad enough dealing with the affair and now this on top my brain is in overload 😔

We understand. But you will get past the drunk driving incident. Thank God no one was hurt. Just start dealing with the betrayal. Get yourself a Betrayal Trauma Specialist as soon as you can. They will help you get through day by day. You can often see them virtually. That is what I did and it worked very well.

No, it doesn’t excuse it and you’ll have to face the consequences and take your medicine for having done it. But you can also take comfort in the fact that you’re not in your right mind right now, and you can use this as a "look in the mirror" kind of moment. Hopefully in short order you can look back and say that was the moment I turned it around and started processing this whole thing intentionally.

I'm sorry you are struggling.

A bit of advice of a practical nature:

Do something or multiple things that are concrete that can demonstrate you are dealing with the problem. Stop drinking (obvious). 2 week outpatient rehab. Daily AA meetings. You can probably do online if you can't get transportation. Get a sponsor. Go to a Dr to get an rX for cravings. See a therapist.

The court will look on these actions favorably, as well as the fact that you did them voluntarily.

Source: My sibling with a multi-decade drug/alcohol addiction.

I can somewhat commiserate. I started going through about a bottle of wine a day. I was doing that at home and thankfully never drove.

Yes you did something stupid, you realize the severity of your decision, and like somebody else said you are at rock bottom and the only direction to move is up so focus on that.

Since there were no other people involved you should hire a lawyer that specializes in DUI and let him/her handle this. Yes there will be consequences but unless you are a repeat offender you'll probably get your license back pretty soon

Many of us understand the temporary reprieve alcohol provides. I suggest finding others to spend time with, it will help you take your mind off the situation.

I downloaded an app called meetup. I am not affiliated in any way. You set up a profile, enter your interests, and it will find people in your area who share similar interests. I found a group that plays sand volleyball once a week.

At 53 years old I told my wife I am going to play volleyball with a group and you cannot be there, this is just for me. My Social Circle revolved around you and I was content with that but now I realize it was very unhealthy for me. You have a Social Circle through work that I am not a part of so this will be my Social Circle that you are not a part of

I was a bit more diplomatic about it. My wife was not comfortable with this because I would be socializing with people without her around and it was the best thing I could have done for myself. The first time I went was awkward, but after an hour or so I was feeling more comfortable and by the end of the night you couldn't wipe the smile off my face :)

Give it a try!

Ah friend. I drank too much after DDAY too for a while. It numbed things, and I was not that heavy a drinker before then. My XWS had a DUI before (he drank heavily during his A) and that made me fearful of driving and drinking, so I didn’t drive. But had I not had that fear… it’s totally possible. But I was drinking a bottle of wine a night. Nearly every night. Eventually I saw that this was not helping and I cut back dramatically. But that was not my best time.

Grateful no people were hurt. Yes, you will have to pay some hefty fines and stop driving for a while. Talk to a lawyer and see if you can get a reprieve to get to work only. And you may have to take some online or in-person courses as part of the deal and of course cannot be caught driving with any alcohol in your system for a long time.

It happened, it was a mistake, and no one was hurt. Learn from it, take this opportunity to quit drinking for a while, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and move forward. You are human. You messed up. No one is prepared for aftermath of infidelity. You will pay the price and then move on and not do it again. No need to beat yourself up. In a couple years you may be able to get your records expunged and it removed.

And yes, many of us did unhealthy and out of character things after DDAY. It’s a mindfuck of the worst kind. Show yourself some grace and use this as a wake up call for healthier coping. Sending (((hugs))).

We're all human.
It's hard to deal with the realization and pain. Lord knows.
The alcohol will numb it, but it also can really create a lot of further downstream problems, as you I'm sure realize.

Give up the drink.
I don't know your particular circumstances. But you can't heal like this.
Clean up, set a goal, and act on it. Move out if you have to. Try to imagine what you want your life to be (hard, I know) and try to work towards it a day at a time.

Having had to deal with DUI’s with serious or even fatal results I think any DUI where the damage isn’t physical has a happy ending. You get a fine, your license suspended… but you and everyone else get’s to live and move on.

Your spelling and word-usage indicate you aren’t based in the US…
If in Europe then the process of DUI tends to be a lot more streamlined and predefined, with set sentences based on blood-alcohol levels and driving history. I think that as far as the DUI goes you just must take it on the chin, pay the fine and manage the suspension. Make the best of it – get a bike, walk to the store, spend the money you save on gas, tires and wear on the occasional Uber.
Feel ashamed? Great! That means you have morals and standards, and the pain will hopefully help you never repeat this.

Move on. What is is, what will be will be.

I’m going to make one hard statement: No – it didn’t happen because of what your husband did. Not anymore than he can claim he had the affair because of what you or your marriage did. You decided to drink, you decided to call, you decided to drive. A key factor in all recovery is accountability, and if you and your husband were to reconcile, I would be making that same hard requirement of accountability off him.

He did what he did. We warned you right from the start that you probably didn’t have the truth. In some sense we need to appreciate the truth, even if it hurts, because there is no moving forwards without it.
Imagine this scenario: He never tells you the truth. You two reconcile, and he is totally committed to saving his marriage. You think everything is going fine. Then one day three years from now you find signs of herpes… Medically it doesn’t have to be gotten due to sexual contact, but statistically it’s probably 90% spread that way. Think your marriage would be in a good place three years from now if you were questioning if you got it from him – who got it from OW – or if it had some other cause? Think he could really be a good husband if he was always keeping such an immense secret from you?

From the truth you can decide, and if the two of you reconcile it can be from a position of truth and power. At the same time, if you decide you can’t reconcile you can base THAT decision on a position of truth and power.

I am so sorry you are in this situation. I recall thinking that I was not safe to drive when sober in the first months (as proved by my driving off from a gas station twice in the same day with the gas pump still attached to my vehicle). For me it was like I wasn't even inhabiting my own body half the time.