SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I do not want to tell you in any way that your experience isn't your experience. I do want to write that your story isn't by any means over yet, and you don't know what the future - even the rest of today - will bring.

Being betrayed is traumatic. It takes time to recover, and some traumas are so horrible that recovery is hard to come by in any case.

But you can control yourself. Your sparkle may need action by you to come back. Time alone hasn't been enough up to now. If you're stuck, I urge you to find help - you may be able to bring it back.

It took my sparkle, my joy, my calm, my sense of self. I never felt like the same person again.

Oh my darling Grace - your sparkle was NOT anyone's to take.

That being said, you can reclaim your sparkle. Your sense of self. Your joy. Your calm. I promise you can. And with the potential for them to be stronger and bolder than before.

SPARKLE - go get yourself some. In whatever form works for you. What gave it to you before? Do more of that. Put on the pretty lip gloss even if you just running errands. That lacy thong - wear it under those sweats. Going to the gym - why not add that amazing headband just because. You do special things for YOU that make YOU feel sparkly. Keep doing them. Even if you just aren't feeling it. Be your own sparkly special occasion.

SELF - Spend time with yourself. Take yourself to the gym. Go on long walks/jogs/bike rides. Take yourself out for coffee. To the library. Window shopping. Anywhere. Spend time with YOU again. Rediscover an old hobby. Find a new one. Take that class you've always wanted to. Learn to decorate cupcakes. Learn to fence. Learn to do arial yoga. Try that recipe you've always wanted to but never got around to. Something fun and new and exciting and you've always wanted to try.

JOY - This one can be challenging. But eventually you will find it comes out in short bursts. Funny baby animal short videos can produce a smile for a fleeting second or two. Spending time with animals of any age is good for the soul and they can elevate your mood. Taking time to appreciate a warm sunny day, the first daffodils of spring, soaking up some sun on a warm day. Think the old school "take time to smell the flowers". Your joy won't come back all the sudden. It may look different than it did before. But you may find yourself having a fleeting smile more often than you used to. Build on that.

CALM - whew this one was hard. But start with the basics. A long soothing soak in Epsom salts. Practice your box breathing. Practice your grounding exercises when things get overwhelming. Close your eyes and count s-l-o-w-l-y to 10 or 15 or 20 or 100. Find a soothing scent and wear it - have a sachet handy to breathe in when needed. Long drives with audio books. Yoga or old school stretching exercises. Find a good counselor. If you are religious attend services - if not spend time in nature. Spending time in nature is good anyway.

This will take time. This will not be easy. It will be worth it.