SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

When I read their texts, he talks about doing all the things with his AP that he said he wanted to do with me.

One of the best things I did was delete the screenshots of the text messages I had of my wife talking about her AP. Reading that stuff is just pain shopping and caused me more grief. Unless for some reason you need them for evidence then I'd suggest you just get rid of them. They're only going to drag it out and cause you more pain.

One of the best things I did was delete the screenshots of the text messages I had of my wife talking about her AP. Reading that stuff is just pain shopping and caused me more grief. Unless for some reason you need them for evidence then I'd suggest you just get rid of them. They're only going to drag it out and cause you more pain.

It’s pain shopping for us (until you truly stop caring), however while it is unhealthy for us to go and read these over and over, I think destroying them is a pity.

Not to rekindle our pain, but for a reformed wayward to go back and look at who they were then, with a new perspective and healed self, it could be valuable.

I am ready to bet that like when you change and you find evidence of some bad crap you pulled out when you were immature and it comes to you a severe rejection of "how the heck did I ever get to pull this crap?" Like the old you who did is literally an alien to the today you, this can happen to a healed wayward.

When you remind yourself that you were there, done that, and you have visceral rejection, you truly know if you are changed.

I did some bad stuff in the past that would make me want to gag today, looking back.

Finding evidence of that (that I have buried) consolidates the feeling that I would punch my old stupid self without mercy if I were to meet him.

More than feeling just bad, makes me feel proud of the person who I became.

I am not that moron today.
And I am very happy about it

I just got to see his ridiculous face after his "business" trip and receiving my letter notifying him of the D.

He actually had the audacity to ask if I had a minute to talk to him, like I was one of his underlings at work. I told him no and walked away, while also trying not to throw up and pass out from the massive rush of anxiety. Then he packed a bag to stay closer to work. He'll have to come back to get more clothes for another "business" trip and will be gone again for another week.

After he left he sent me another text stating "I'd clearly rather him not be at the house"... he has an important meeting at work (because I f*ing care about his meetings) and he'll stay at a hotel until he has to leave for his trip. I felt so much overwhelming violence towards this person, I just can't believe I could have ever loved him.

He's still giving his AP money in the thousands of dollars and I don't think he knows I can see what he's sending or he just doesn't care. I still feel like I'm dying inside and I really just want everything to be over. I'm trying to look into possible employment and everything just feels daunting.

I'm so tired, just bone deep tired.

I am so sorry Firechild. What an unbelievable bastard. I love that you showed him your back. No you don’t have time for him, you’ve been lied to and disrespected enough. That’s like the contents of the toilet asking if you have time to talk. No thanks <flush>.

What’s your lawyer saying about all the money he’s giving her?

For him these are the first thorns in the romantic comedy. He would rather have a closure where you both admit that thing weren't good for some time and it's for the best. It would bother him less then reflecting the magnitude of his evil.

You have a lot of courage to face the terrible situation head on. I can feel a lot of strength in your actions and though it doesn't feel this way right now, in a year it will be much better. It has to be. Keep being strong and look forward,one step at a time.

[This message edited by Itiswhatitis000 at 1:34 AM, Monday, June 15th]

You handled it well! Please do see an attorney and learn your rights. Ask your attorney about your rights to any funds spent on his AP! Do not let him waste your marital funds on his A without protecting your rights. Good luck.