It's only been 2 full months (to the day now), about 9 weeks since d day. All of the signs seem to be pointing in the right direction for R, but I know we're still so early into it. From many of the stories I've seen here, tho, she's behaving and reacting a lot better than many wayward spouses tend to. So I'm cautiously optimistic, but I'm not letting my guard down.
The good news, depending on one's perspective, is you'll not ever let your guard down again. My R is in year nine, and the proverbial tripwires are all still set up on the perimeter.
I'm certain if I left and started over in a new relationship, my guard will still be very up.
And not in a PTSD way anymore, I think anyone who is betrayed rewires some things for future survival. Most of us only need fire to burn us once to understand a safer distance.
My wife's consistent actions over years now, have earned her trust, not 100 percent blind trust, since 100 percent blind trust hasn't ever worked for anyone here at SI. Constant actions will take you a while to believe, which they should.
You sound plenty self-aware, and that you will be great (eventually) regardless of the path you end up on.
My wife has been very kind since dday, but it does sound like your wife has a faster learning curve (so far) than mine did. Mine held on to some positive aspects of the A for a bit, and realized there wasn't any 'there' there once she replayed it back to her IC.
Once the shock of all this is processed, there are some normal stages yet for you to push through but again, you seem to have a handle on protecting yourself going forward.
Healing is a ways down the road, keep your head on a swivel until then.
