Icedale:
After a quick review of your posts, I cannot see whether you have exposed her emotional affair to anyone else... have you at least informed both sets of parents of her actions? I would advise starting to expose her affair to family and close friends. Based upon her recent actions and her only caring about herself and money, I can see her easily attempting to rewrite your marriage and cast you as the bad guy-- uncaring, cold, neglectful, etc. Get ahead of this- tell her parents and siblings what and with who she had the affair with. They probably know more about her history with the OM that they could possibly tell you. Also inform her family who the OM is and his pending criminal charges. Tell them you're not doing this out of revenge but to protect your children to possibly being around the OM in the future and ask for them to guard against your children being exposed/come into contact with the OM.
Keep everything fact-based, supported by any hard evidence (texts/pics/phone records) and do not call her names or become emotional about it. You will need support from your family and close friends going through the divorce so be honest with them. Keep in mind that, unfortunately, people that you thought were close couple friends may choose sides in the divorce. You will need all the support you can gather in the upcoming months.
Obviously, run everything by your attorney first; but you should be ok as long as you do not slander or libel your WW- so keep everything just to the facts.
Obtain and keep a VAR on you at all times, and use it in interactions with your WW. After exposure and everything coming to light your WW may feel backed into a corner and desperate. False domestic violence charges can be common... she is being exposed as the villain in the marriage and she will be desperate to spin and change the narrative to you being the bad guy- so guard yourself accordingly.
