Possumlover (original poster member #85336) posted at 2:29 PM on Tuesday, January 13th, 2026
He was completely shocked. He kept asking me what he could different, how he could salvage our life together. All I could say is that you can’t force me to love you, I can’t be your wife. There was a lot said and it was very amicable. He said a few things that were not cool, but I’m sure said out of duress and still trying to come out of being under anesthesia and trying to process. He is very worried about how/where to live, as am I. I think we both don’t want to disrupt our boys life, but thankfully they are adults.
I finally had to just leave the house for awhile. Which then panicked him, then my sons started worrying about me when they got home. All I’ve told the boys is that I’m struggling with his affair still.
We did watch tv together later, we’ll both be off to work soon. He’s already asked if we can go for a walk later. I said maybe. This is the hardest thing ever! I’m guessing he’s thinking if he is extra sweet and caring I’ll change my mind!
I don’t even know what my next steps are going to be.
DD 8/7/22
Together since 1990
Married in 1997
2 amazing sons
Formerpeopleperson ( member #85478) posted at 6:37 PM on Tuesday, January 13th, 2026
It’s never too late to live happily ever after
NoThanksForTheMemories ( member #83278) posted at 7:38 PM on Tuesday, January 13th, 2026
You did good, Possumlover! You're through the scariest step now.
His reaction is very normal - he might try to win you back or be extra nice for a while. You need to stand firm on this for a while until he believes it's really happening. My therapist advised me to be a "broken record" about it.
Your next steps should be to consult a few lawyers and mediators. I highly recommend mediation if your WS is willing and able to do things amicably. If you're a list maker, start writing down all the practical things you need to in order to separate your living situation and your finances.
Good luck!
WS had a 3 yr EA+PA from 2020-2022, and an EA 10 years ago (different AP). Dday1 Nov 2022. Dday4 Sep 2023. False R for 2.5 months. 30 years together. Divorcing.
Possumlover (original poster member #85336) posted at 11:28 PM on Tuesday, January 13th, 2026
Thank you, Formerpeopleperson! It is hard, but I’m trying!
NoThanksForTheMemories, thank you. I found a mediator, I think I’ll start there. He said yesterday he won’t fight me on anything. I’m definitely a list maker! Surprised I haven’t started that yet! Thanks for the suggestion.
Wish me luck!
DD 8/7/22
Together since 1990
Married in 1997
2 amazing sons
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 12:12 AM on Wednesday, January 14th, 2026
That was really scary and I’m so proud of you for doing that. I know it was really really hard. So look up some things online on what divorce entails and since you have a mediator, get crack and making those lists. 
You may have moments now where you wonder if you made a mistake or if you’re doing the right thing. Just stay the course. Divorce takes some time and by the time it’s all over you’ll know whether or not you’ve made the right decision. But I think after all the consideration, you’ve already done, you know what will be best for you
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 1:22 PM on Wednesday, January 14th, 2026
This is the hardest thing ever! I’m guessing he’s thinking if he is extra sweet and caring I’ll change my mind!
Do not spend a lot of time trying to convince him; he needs time to process and catch up. You just keep along your path and he will see you are serious. He does not need to be onboard for you to move ahead.
I don’t even know what my next steps are going to be.
Sure you do - just one step at a time. Make your appt, they will go over everything. In the interim, gather all your documents to show what you have/owe, accounts you have, who is on what, etc.
