SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

We are coming up on being married for 20 years and I am struggling so hard with it. Since D day we have acknowledged our anniversary publicly because no one else knows but our celebration has been different and I have fully decided what I honestly what it to be. We have a trip planned this year and I thought I would be at a place of forgiveness but I’m not there and he knows that, we are in a good place with trust, being completely transparent and talk freely about where I am at anytime I want to. I have told him I am not sure what I want this trip to be or our anniversary to be, if anything and he is open for it to be whatever I am comfortable with. I ha e considered celebrating a different day? I don’t want to renew our vows because I didn’t break mine but I am very happy with our marriage now and would like to acknowledge that but not sure on the date that we made the vows he broke. I would love to know how other couples that have successfully reconciled handled their anniversary.

I didn’t reconcile so I do celebrate e every single occurrence except anniversaries.

I do poke fun "celebrations " for the dates of her betrayals, those are the anniversary ones if you want to stretch it. But the kind of gift for those is a night out for me with closing my phone or a condom for her with a card "don’t bring stds home", tops.

However the simple reason is this: celebrate what is meaningful for You.

If you feel your wayward changed and made up for his sexual and emotional abuse of You, and you are still thankful that you met and married this person, by all means celebrate.

If he means something positive for you, if you rebuilt a new relationship and are happy no matter the wounds, by all means.

That calls for a celebration.

Follow your feelings, that’s always the best compass.

We were married 25 years during my H’s affair. He made a big deal out of celebrating it and then saw the OW a few days later. And talked to her often during the time of our anniversary. 😡😡😡

For years I barely wanted to acknowledge our anniversary because of the triggers it caused me.

Now I just keep it simple. I never did celebrate in a big way with fancy dinners or big trips — I always preferred it to be something simple.

It took me years to be excited for it again — but now I am and it’s all good.

I found during the first years of R I would be more anxious in the days leading up to the anniversary. On the day of the anniversary I was usually in a much better mood than I expected.