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So, I was able to turn on the phone and had determined I would look at it when I was by myself to process my feelings. There are no calls from my partner to her and many many many times she tried to call him. Ok.

Then I started to read her text messages to him and it put me into a panic. Professing her love and how she knows he loves her too, yadda yadda.

Part of me thinks, do not read anymore of them, it creates so many emotions, anger, sadness... oh my word so much.

Please tell me your opinions... do I read them or just be glad the phone is out of commission and try to move forward.

One of her comments said she was going to come visit for his birthday (in two weeks). She lives in Canada and I was led to believe she couldn't come to the states because she had been deported many years ago. Again, he hasn't read any of them and did not respond.

I don't know if it is more beneficial for my healing to read them or not. Is it better for me to just throw the phone away and never look at it again.

It's amazing that something like this can have such a strangle hold on life.

Please give me your thoughts because, while curious, I just think it might hurt me more to read the texts.

Hello ! I’ve been following your other post. It’s entirely up to you how much you want to know. For me- finding the details helped me to stop wondering . It also helped me eventually see the reality of the situation, I could no longer bury the feeling and pretend like nothing ever happened. I would probably look through the phone. You might never know what’s really going on if you don’t. You re strong enough to get through it . But it’s up to you.

Do you have a close friend that can sit with you and go through it with you ? That might help!

He’s told her to never contact him again right?

Maybe it’s time for him to go to the court and get a restraining order.

Myself? I think it’s good you have the phone, you can monitor it until such time as you feel you don’t need to anymore.

My suggestion is that she be sent one message that says unequivocally you shall stop communicating with (your husband) or else I will go to the police department and file whatever complaint is relevant. Why hasn't her number been blocked with your cellular provider? Or at least blocked on the phone?

As to the question of how much should I know, for me I wanted as much information as possible because that would determine whether or not I would stay with my wife. In one of our MC sessions the MC said most couples get to a point where they know enough to move on and I said that doesn't work for me and she asked why and I said because I want to know whether or not this is a person I want to stay married to. If you don't know the person then how can you be in a relationship?

That resonated with our MC. But this is an individual decision. Some people are content to know that something happened and as far as he or she knows it has ended. For me I wanted as much information as possible but you will never know if you know everything because that information has to come from the person who was okay with cheating on you

And the general consensus is a WS will only confess as much as he / she thinks is necessary to placate the BS out of fear that if the WS confesses everything the BS will end the relationship

You don’t have to look at it today. Put it somewhere safe and know that it’s there if you need it. I just read about batteries that don’t get used going bad. So, turn the ringer off, about every two days get the b to 100%. Then turn it completely off. Then two days later do it again. You might not ever want to read anything on there but this gives you control over the darn thing.

Some friendly and gentle advice: It’s always best to keep a story in one thread. As is you have three dealing more-or-less with the same subject. When one or more drops down the page, it can make it difficult for us to offer advice based on the totality of the situation.

OK – so I take it your husband has stated the affair is over, and that he has committed to NC with this woman.

One thing we very often suggest here on SI is a No Contact letter (NC letter).
It’s not a dear John letter, nor emotional or excuses or anything of that nature. It’s simply a statement committing NC, and requesting the same from OP, along with a warning of what happens if it isn’t respected. Like:

OW
Communications between us has negatively impacted my marriage. I am committed to my marriage and will not be in any contact with you from now on in any way or form. I request that you respect this, and refrain from any contact with me in any way of form.
Any breach of this will be shared with my wife, and can lead to legal actions to secure my privacy.
WH

No alas!, no "in another existence" or anything like that. It's plain non emotional.

What needs to be clear with a letter like this is that ANY attempt to contact either of you needs to be shared with the other. You need to be careful to appreciate it when he shares that OW contacts him rather than blow steam at him.

IMO, he should be cutting off the ap whether he wants your M or not. The ap is toxic. So I prefer an NC letter like:

I will not communicate with you after this message. Please do not communicate with me.

If the ap messages again, your WS ideally will bring it to your attention, and together you'll decide not to respond or to commission a lawyer to tell the ap to stop - neither you nor your WS communicates with the ap.

The ap is not entitled to any info about the WS except that the WS has broken off the A.