SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thanks for the update. It is positive. It appears your WW is capable of remorse and doing the work on herself to try and rebuild trust. Watch her actions and not her words. It is possible to successfully R. You heal you, and your WW heals herself and together you heal the M. Always value yourself. Good luck.

Thank you.

I know it's early on, but if I don't hope for the best I know I'll get stuck in a loop of making myself sick with worry, doubt and dealing with broken trust.

I'm trying to see my friends, work on my music, try and ride my bike or spend time outside, but it's hard to gather up the motivation some days/times. Right now I'm sitting at work and was having a sort of decent day and then my stomach got all wound up again.

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

My wife got home from work last night (she works a closing shift two nights a week at the brewery she's at) at around midnight. I was in bed, struggling to sleep (pretty common for me the last two and a half weeks) and she put her arm around me and I started crying.

I got up out of bed and told her I need to lay down on the couch. I stayed there until about 6:30 this morning and got ready to go into the office. I don't normally go to my office on thursdays but I don't think I could have worked from home all day with her there.

I feel like getting up out of our bed and telling her "I don't feel good right now" may have showed her again just how much I'm struggling with this. I actually think I'm going to stay at my dad's for a few days as well.

It hits me in waves. For a few hours each day I feel "OK" then I think about what she did, and wonder "why?" even though she's told me. After reading a lot on the forum here, I know there's likely more to the story, but I don't think I could stomach it yet. Or maybe at all. But right now, I go back and forth between "I'm proud of me, I confronted her and stood up for myself" to "wow, she's that depressed, that stressed, that unhappy that she chose to do this and hurt me worse than ever."

This sucks.

Its called the emotional rollercoaster and it is a common emotional response to infidelity. You will be on this rollercosster for a while, but it does get better with time. Understand that unfortunately it is something you will go through.

Thank you.

Even if my wife's willing to try and work on this, I think I'm going to need some space. I might go stay with my dad for a few days to try and give myself a buffer. I'm sitting at my desk here at work and feel nauseous again.

I'm staying at my dads tonight and maybe even through the weekend.

She apologized again, apologized for "ruining our lives", and said she understands that I need space and time to think about what I want. As I'm typing this out, I think that even if she gave me her phone, computer and emails, showed me everything, answered all of my new questions, I don't know if I can get to the point where I'd be less anxious when she's not around.

Really does feel like I'm on the rollercoaster now.

It is normal, that’s why you read about giving it time before even thinking about reconciliation.

You need to recover first and it won’t be easy or quick, the trauma needs healing.

Then once you are centered you can start to consider your options.

Clarity is important because how you are now you’re not able to see clearly and make a balanced decision.
It’s normal, there will be a lot of push pull, ups and downs.

Give it time, it will get better

Thank you friend.

I can't express my appreciation enough for everyone here. Even a few days at my dad's can help. I don't want her out of my life, but I have to be able to arrive at my decision/conclusion in a safe space and on my own. Whether we work things out or not, I know I'll eventually be OK.

Whether we work things out or not, I know I'll eventually be OK.

Exactly.
That’s the end of the rollercoaster, you can just see it now (which is something) eventually you’ll reach it.

Emotions and feelings are your guide to rebuild your boundaries so follow them.

Need alone space? Take it.
Want to allow her closer? Also fine.

Your system is trying to regain its center.
It will manage if you put yourself first and keep healing

Thank you for saying so.

I'll keep posting updates here in the coming days and weeks.

We're here for you, Pete. This is a really rough time for anyone. Don't beat yourself up and take it a day at a time. There isn't any one "right" way to deal with this.

If it's any consolation at least your wife is showing some regret and repentance. Some wayward spouses can be pretty heartless and cruel. She seems to at least care what her choices have done to you. You both have a ways to go tho. These are early days. Stay focused on you and your healing.

Thank you, I hope I can be there for others here if needed.

My wife's at least been communicating what she has been up to at/after work, and today she's been more up front about her feelings. She took the link I emailed her to the therapy service (Lyra) I get through work, and she's begun looking for a therapist/counselor. She even said she'll setup an appointment for a medication evaluation to help with her depression.

Rollercoaster ride is certainly moving, but I hope the ride will end when it's meant to and we can move forward.