SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Good luck on the conversation and the surgery!

I remember reading your thread and thinking, "well at least he’s not having dental surgery".

Best of luck with your discussion and your procedure!

How was the marriage before the affair. I ask this as believe, without much evidence, that sometimes the better the marriage was, the worse the chances of reconciliation. We had a great marriage, and I knew that after her affair it could never be as good. When you see the success stories here, often the affair takes place in a bad marriage and the affair becomes the catalyst for getting it back on track and marriage 2.0 is better.

I’ve seen a number of situations with such a pattern. Especially when the betrayed spouse had some kind of significant issue, like alcohol/drug abuse, workaholics who neglected their family, etc. None of that warrants adultery by their spouse but it legit seems to be correlated to a better future chance at R. The betrayed understands they didn’t deserve betrayal, but willingly make a positive change in themselves as well. It seems to help that they can see an issue in themselves led to a poor marriage environment. No, this isn’t universal ofc, but I’ve seen enough cases to see a pattern.

The conversation is going to have to wait until after the surgery. I don't really have a lot of people to talk to about this.

Best of luck with both the surgery and the conversation.

My reco is to attend to your physical health first. That's probably less urgent and easier to recover than emotional health.