SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Not infidelity related but was just sitting here and could see my husband scrolling through instagram. Nothing alarming but noticed a lot of posts of women (he also follows a lot of health/wellness, diet stuff that we share) and it made me think/question…
I’ve been on a bit of a weight loss journey. He feels I don’t need to lose anything, loves how I look however I feel the need to be in better shape.
When I see these posts, it makes me wonder how seeing your husband look at these "perfect" bodies impacts our view of ourselves. I’m by no means big, but makes me wonder how he can "love" my love handles and see me one way but look at those seemingly perfect bodies and not wish that’s what he had…
Think infidelity makes me really question it maybe more! Or it’s simply a natural feeling but almost makes me feel more insecure about how I look :(

If someone looks at someone else that is a red flag.

Is he watching guys fit and scrolling through those or is women?

I think you got the answer already.

Besides that, you want to improve yourself and your body, that is healthy, for yourself.

Do not do it for external validation, you need to do it for your own mental and physical health. It is for you, if others likes it better is a side effect, the important is that you feel good with your body.

Nothing else matters

By the way be very wary of social media. They exist for one reason only (and is not marketing). If the topic is a showreel of people and not random subjects... is sex, validation and "checking out". Finalizing it or not, that's the drill.

[This message edited by BackfromtheStorm at 11:57 PM, Friday, February 27th]

His behavior is disrespectful to you, to say the least.

I would not accept it but I understand there is very little you can do about it. You can ask him not to but if you aren’t around, most likely he will still do it.

Because honestly he just doesn’t get it.

His behavior is disrespectful to you, to say the least.

I would not accept it but I understand there is very little you can do about it. You can ask him not to but if you aren’t around, most likely he will still do it.

Because honestly he just doesn’t get it.

100% agreed

If the cheater understood the trauma they inflict on the betrayed, it would go a long way towards the Reconciliation and healing process.

The damage to the betrayed’s self esteem is like a nuclear bomb level of impact. The worst the betrayed can do is compare themselves to the AP. But we all do it despite our logical mind telling us otherwise.

The constant scrolling and looking at & liking other’s photos and posts is so damaging to the betrayed.

Why don’t cheaters get that?

If the cheater understood the trauma they inflict on the betrayed, it would go a long way towards the Reconciliation and healing process.

The damage to the betrayed’s self esteem is like a nuclear bomb level of impact. The worst the betrayed can do is compare themselves to the AP. But we all do it despite our logical mind telling us otherwise.

The constant scrolling and looking at & liking other’s photos and posts is so damaging to the betrayed.

Why don’t cheaters get that?

I think it might be self preservation from shame (not guilt, shame). They put you down subconsciously to feel better about themselves.

Low self worth is soothed either by a new conquest or by "elevating" themselves in other ways. "Shopping" / Checking new viable partners is a way to say to yourself "see I have my partner, they even stayed after my betrayal, I can get more, better, maybe that will make me feel happy!"

The pain that does to you is worth 2 shits to the unreformed Wayward.

Makes it just heavier that you offered a second chance and they spit on it.

IDK ... by definition, most of us are average. Almost by definition, models are not. Scrolling past photos/gifs of good looking women it's not in itself a red flag for me. That is, perhaps, because I'm ADD. I'm almost always aware of the people around me, and I notice good looking women. Always have, always will, as long as my eyes work.

I know I'm not Cary Grant or Paul Newman, and I accept that. Women are certainly under different pressure than men are. I'd find it oppressive to be told again and again that I'm not ____ enough. Perhaps the healthy way to take in the pressure is to tell oneself, 'How hopeful! These media folks are telling me I could look like a movie star if I wanted to.'

I urge you to make sure 'better shape' means 'stronger'; I doubt you want to lose weight by getting weaker. (Alas. I don't lose weight during the cycling season, but I wear jeans with a smaller waist.)

It himself he didn't/doesn't love.

He's not blind - but he shouldn't be drooling either.

What hits me from reading your post isn't the noticing - it the scrolling. Staying off social media helps all sorts of things. And face it - if fitness is the goal - he's not getting it by scrolling. Get off the phone - get on the pavement/weights/bike/etc. Less scrolling - more doing. And...doing it [whatever it is] is more fun together than any "influencer" you scroll by. Hint - so much of that is filtered/edited/AI'd it isn't as "real" as is thought or hoped. There is still an element of fantasy and illusion. Hence the filters, lighting, AI enhancements, etc.

"Perfection" is both an illusion and boring.

Now as for you hockeymom1 - embrace your inner beautiful self! That's right. I said beautiful. IDGAF how he sees you or the outside world sees you. I care about how YOU see YOU. And I truly hope you look at yourself in the mirror and see beauty staring back out at you. And a bit more with each passing day.

If being more tone makes you feel that much more amazing - go for it my friend. If he chooses to scroll instead of DO, that's on him. If he chooses to scroll instead of DO with you, he's missing something amazing on a few levels.